Rules for living: SSRIs and standing upright

Rules for Living #5: SSRIs and your ability to stand
Apparently it is not mystery why I passed out from the heat and dehydration in April. According to an unnamed post on an activist's weekly newsletter, my beloved paxil is amongst the list of drugs that make it difficult for one's body to regulate its normal resting temperature in the hot weather. Ergo, Prettiebottom went boom when her phlegm, blood, and bile-based humors were elevated. Dr Prettiebottom recommends a fortnightly leeching and a diagnostic phrenology consultation to see if you are even crazy in the first place. It wouldn't hurt to lick some warm teflon while you are at it.

Rules for living: Helmet head

Rules for Living #4: This just in. Decided that I'm entirely far too old to be cycling sans helmet. They save lives! It just makes good road sense, so today I am gonna buy a helmet. This rules for living advice comes to me from a lot of nagging and my own general feelings of what a shame it would be if my beautiful brain was smeared all over the street before I make my broadway debut / win my nobel prize / get my book published / have my tv show go on the air / finish my major research paper / lose those last five pounds I seek to dissolve.

It's a god-damn miracle this country can do anything

Holy shit. I am trying to do some research for my school work, which entails finding out how many international workers are taken in on the temporary worker visa and what kinds of jobs they are doing... all of the info about the temp worker visa is posted on the Citizenship and Immigration Canada site, so I calls them. Nope, I needs to talk to HRSDC. HRSDC does not keep a list, but rather looks at the specs on the job itself and makes sure that all proper legislation is respected regarding the employer's request for a temp worker. They said call Stats Can. Stats Can sez if they ever get that data it is because they request it from HRSDC. So in a second call to HRSDC I get the same refrain re what they do, but this time an told that final decisions are made by CIC because CIC then needs to then decide if the individual who is coming to Canada to do the work passes the grade re no criminal record, passing a medical etc. So then I calls CIC again, who this time points me to a page on the website where they track numbers, but not the job roles that are performed by temporary workers. But codes for levels of skill are given, and as I try to browse the search function for what kinds of jobs fall into what level, Norton Anti-Virus detects and blocks a worm when a goofy error message comes up as I try to flip through the pages. Then I give up.

What does this tell you?
1. The government loves acronyms
2. The goverment gets a D- on its ability to communicate meaningful and succinct information (It's all relative. Not an F because I am confident in assuming that e.g. China and Uzbekistan are worse)
3. It makes no sense that i am a left libertarian who believes in a strong central government to allocate resources for the social good (transit, unemployment insurance, universal healthcare, daycare and such) yet who feels the one we have is utterly useless at performing any role, neoliberalization of the state or not.

Operation Vacuum, May 2006: Competition now closed

MultiWorld thanks you for your interest in this competition. A suitable vendor for vacuuming infrastructure is sourced and the project about to commence. Please do not hesitate to visit this site for periodic requests for tenders for services or supplies.

Operation Vacuum, May 2006: Request for Tender

MultiWorld Inc invites qualified suppliers who are interested in loaning one vacuum cleaner to the site to contact C. Major with a statement of interest, citing “Operation Vacuum, May 2006”. Upon procurement of one borrowed vacuum, the vacuuming program is scheduled to be completed sometime between May 22 and May 28, 2006. Malfunctioning vacuum infrastructure at the site prevents maintenance of minimum cleanliness standards at this time. Upon receipt of your borrowed vacuum, the device will be used indoors only, at the site listed above, and shall not be taken outside the country.

Further Details: Complete details of the request for temporary acquisition of one vacuum cleaner are available upon request.

Disclosing Bid Takers: As per the Canadian federal Personal Privacy Act R.S., 1985, c. P-21, the name of the successful applicant of this request for tender of vacuuming infrastructure shall not be publicly disclosed.

Addendums: Addendums will be posted online at http://prettiebottom.blogspot.com/

We thank you in advance for your interest.

PS – those of you who don’t know, for the past 15 years I’ve been a top executive at an imaginary international conglomerate called MultiWorld.
PPS – for those of you who do know see you next week at the MultiWorld Celebrity Golf Classic!

New favourite site

Dusk. My favourite time of day (unless I am driving. I get a bit blind behind the wheel at dusk). Now I can enjoy it forever with Eternal Sunset. WARNING: This may indeed be one of those websites that you sit up all night surfing when you know all too well you should have gone to bed three hours ago, and you are hating yourself more and more the longer you stare at the screen, but you just can't help yourself ... however, thanks to the curvature of the earth and the lack of lightbulbs and other technology in the far eastern reaches of Russia, there are v few sunsets captured at 3am EST/EDT.

Rules for living: Poo and you

Rule #3: About poo
Apparently, when one poos, one ought to need no more than three wipes. Any more than that shows there is something wrong with your diet (my guess: too much wheat and sugar). I did not technically learn this from my naturopath, but rather from a show called You are what you eat that airs on the Women's Network (Sundays at 10.30pm). It was brought to my attention that one a good day, one barely needs one wipe. Touché.

Rules for living: Sleep and shoes

It occurs to me that because I am now visiting a naturopath on a semi-reg basis that I could be imparting this knowledge on all six of my regular viewers. This is the first in x installments on how to make your experience of being alive a whole lot better.

Rules for living #1: Better sleep, less of it
Me, I sleep too much. It's true. Can't get enough of the zzzs. Noticed that I nod off in front of the telly box mid way through South Park most evenings howev, and wake up around 3 am all confused. Last night I tried something new. No TV at all during the evening. Went to bed at 12.30. Cat got me up at 6.10 and I stayed up... so far so good. Upon the collection and processing of more data will post update. No doubt Nature and the likes will call and want to publish the study.

Rules for living #2: Accessories
You can never have too many handbags, shoes, or belts.

This posting is so like "whatever" unless you went to GBSS

One Erica Baron came up by email the other day. Funny that, as I was planning on making her into my next post. As I flipped through the Report on Business Magazine last Friday, I noticed the very same EB on page 63, in a photo feature about what various people eat for lunch during the work day (in keeping with the work theme of the issue).

"F*cking Erica f*cking Baron," I spluttered into my oatmeal. The moment I hear her name I am taken back to OAC law, and my firm resolve at that time to hear as little of her voice as possible during the class, which meant that everyone heard as much of mine as possible to drown her out....

And I am going to shut my cake hole right now, because you will notice from the attached page from ROB magazine that she is a lawyer, and well, I am not, and have a stack of unpaid bills staring at me. I really don't need to add a deflamtion of character charge to the pile.

P.S. Hers is at the bottom right.